I’m a sucker.
There, I said it. I. Am. A. Sucker. Sell me something and I’m buying it. I see a commercial and I want the thing. I am susceptible to limited-time only foods (I ate the hot dog from Burger King and you won’t believe what happened! [diarhhea]) and as-seen-on-tv items in a serious way.
Things I’ve Bought from As-Seen-On-TV
- Sham Wow
- Spicy Shelf
- Oxy Clean (before it got popular)
- U Glu Adhesive Strips
- Ped Egg
- Rapid Defrosting Tray
- Shark Rotator Vacuum (this is actually a really good vacuum 10/10 would buy again)
- and many more!
Emails about sales at stores I like, they know my soul. But the one that gets me on a daily friggin basis is clickbait articles. I hate myself as I’m clicking on them to see “what happens next will amaze you” headlines. I know it’s going to be stupid, underwhelming or schmaltzy but I do it.
Then I thought …. wait a second…. those clicks…. could be MY clicks!
What if people were clicking on MY blog?
So I set out to do a thing. I was pretty vague. I see a lot of “I ______ for a week, and here’s what happened” articles. They intrigue and annoy me in equal parts. I’m also still fat so I’m like ok let’s do some kind of weight loss thing for a week and then blog about it.
“I ate like my infant daughter for a week…. and here’s what happened.”
Go on a diet based on only foods that I would feed to my baby! Long story short, she now eats McDonald’s because of my dedication to the story.
She eats very healthy. When I was doing this project, she ate mostly purees, which I made at home myself (#humblebrag) – applesauce, pears, peaches, carrots, peas, squash, oatmeal, yogurt. She ate some baby crackers, puffs and yogurt melts as she was starting out on finger foods.
But the fact of the matter is, I can’t stick to a diet under normal circumstances. So I also got my BFF to go in on this with me, and we vowed to snapchat each other pictures of everything we ate. Here are some of my photos….
I ate things like applesauce, yogurt, salad, fruit, hummus, oatmeal, cous cous, chicken, vegetables and crackers.
What happened? I lost like 10 pounds in a week. No joke.
Now I’m over here lamenting “waaaaah I need to lose weight” as though I don’t know how. I clearly CAN when I put my mind to it. I. Just. Don’t. Like. It. Eating healthy sucks, getting my food ready sucks, having to think about things in advance and plan meals sucks. I didn’t even last the whole week on this diet, only 5 days-ish. And I LOST 10 POUNDS. What the fuck self, maybe if you apply yourself to trying just a little bit every day instead of trying to do some weird click-bait article, magical things will happen.
I’ve gotten to that point where I’ve tried too many weird diets that I don’t even remember how to eat the health. Are apples still good? Do I eat carbs? Don’t talk to people who eat gluten? What’s a quinoa? And Dear Sweet Lord Please God No Kale.
- lose weight
- feel better
- more confidence
- clothes look good
- I just got an ice cream maker for my birthday
- I really like ice cream
- Brownies go good with ice cream
- Worried about decreasing breastmilk supply
All in all, my week-ish of eating basic, healthy foods that I’d let my baby eat taught me that I can eat better but I just don’t.