I’ll Show Myself Out

Here’s a list of dumb shit I’ve said to or in the presence of my boyfriend that has gotten the following responses:

“I’m breaking up with you now.” said in places like a parking garage, a hospital, the grocery store, date night restaurants, in bed, in the car (which is naturally followed my be saying I will tuck and roll my way out of there toot sweet).
“What is wrong with you?”
“You’re lucky I love you.”

that last one is my favorite though.

Anyways, I like puns and songs and terrible things and here is what makes him go hmmmm (NOTE: that last part should be included on this list now.)

Mike:  What should we have for dinner?  We got that club pack of chicken breasts…. 

Me:  We got chicken.  Yes we do.  We got chicken.  How bout you?

Cat:  (humping my fleece jacket)

Me:  Gonna make love to this shrug…. to this shrug….

Mike:  You sure did make a lot of baby booties for your friend.


Me:  (singing to cat looking at himself in the mirror) You’re so vain…. you probably think this cat is about you.

Scene:  Listening to this song in the car

Mike:  Hey we saw this guy open for Fitz and the Tantrums

Me:  Yeah, I really liked him! ……….he was a real mushroom.

Mike:  Don’t.

Me:  Come on.  Ask.  Don’t you want to know why I said mushroom?

Mike:  No.  Stop trying to make Fetch happen.

(I was trying to say he was a FUN GUY, like a FUNGI.  GET IT?!?)  Ugh.  Even I hate me.



 Scene:  together at home, watching House Hunters.  Gay couple finds a modern loft with a urinal in the bathroom, despite telling the Realtor they would prefer a row house.

Me:  DUDE! You don’t need a row house when you got THE BRO HOUSE.

Basically, I say a lot of corny things, sing a lot of silly songs and make a lot of bad puns.  And this is usually the face Mike makes as he says “You know where the door is, show yourself out.”

and I’m all…..

If you haven’t noticed, I’m super into gifs and tumblr.  So check out my insane shit there if you are bored of waiting for anything on here.  

3 responses to “I’ll Show Myself Out

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