So I became a mom and dropped off the face of the earth?

Do I sum up everything in one blog post or have several posts about many things?

I’ll post more and expand on each topic but here’s the long and short of it:

  • I lost my job, found another one, hated it, found a different one and love it.
  • I’m super awesome at being a mom and I love it!
  • I’ve been breastfeeding my baby for 8 months!
  • I’ve been hospitalized 3 times since June and had a major surgery!

Ok, so months and months have gone by, this is my preview of what I’ll start posting about tomorrow.  So now I’ll leave you with a pic…

Don’t forget you can follow me on Facebook



How Many

How many women do you know who have been raped? Statistically, it’s many more than you’d like to believe. Unfortunately, the rape culture in our society has a way of silencing those victims.

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape). 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape. (source)

I am a survivor of sexual assault. The power dynamic that comes from someone being abused, whether as an adult or a child, lies in that inequity of power and fear.  A rapist has more power than their victim.  A victim might not come out forever.  Some people wait until they feel “safe” enough to speak about something, even if it is 20 years too late.  A victim might not speak out until they feel they have a safety net, in this case, the reassurance of more than 20 women who went through the exact same assault. You carry it inside you until you cannot any longer, it is a burden you will always bear.  It’s something that the abuser doesn’t ever have to think about, but as someone who was sexually abused, there is always that chip.  There is always something that you know was taken away from you.  No matter how strong of a person you are, someone took something from you forcefully.  As strong as I think I am, I feel weak and shamed for having never come forward before.
This sensitive topic has been brought to light once again by over twenty, now closer to thirty women accusing Bill Cosby of sexual assault.
“So why speak out at all and why now?” she asks in her essay. “The simple answer is that it’s the right thing to do.” (source)
It’s polarizing.  People are very easily and casually saying “well I wasn’t there, I don’t know.”
We are all innocent until proven guilty in a court of law in this country.  Bill Cosby is lucky he won’t have to face the law. He gets to stay rich and stay free.  Any personal attack consequences he’s faced in recent years will never affect his comfort or quality of life.  He will never have to go to therapy for PTSD or feel shame when he has to explain to a gynecologist or other medical professional why he flinches at the slightest and most clinical touch.  Over two dozen women have accused Bill Cosby of sexually assaulting them, yet he will likely never face a judge or jury of his peers.  He will still work, make glib “jokes” about the allegations, make money and then die.  Even with his tarnished reputation, he will be remembered as a comedian and actor first and a rapist second.
“He would never do that!”  or “He’s such a nice guy” or phrases like “But look how much he’s done for the community” or “He comes from a good family” don’t apply to just this celebrity scandal in question.  Rapists and abusers hide in plain sight.  They are not all knife-wielding psychopaths in ski masks waiting to ambush you from a dark alley.  They are someone you know.  A family member, a baby-sitter, a trusted friend, your own boyfriend or husband.  It could be literally anyone  despite how wholesome they appear to the community.  That is how they get away with it.  That’s a tactic that kept me quiet for so long, thinking no one would believe me.  “But he was your boyfriend” and “aren’t you two friends?”  The inequity of power as well, when you know damn well that someone has more money than you do, it is a caste system as you sadly realize you don’t stand a chance.
This affects me personally.  I’ve been assaulted by three different men that were in my life at different ages.  The fear kept me quiet.  Fear of “don’t tell anyone or I will hurt you and your family.”  The fear that, if I did tell anyone, my abuser would not be the only one on trial, because I truly feared that my father would literally kill the men who harmed me and end up in jail.  I did not want my dad to go to jail for trying to protect me.  The fear of not being believed kept me quiet for years and years, but enough is enough.  Instead of feeling shame of thinking “why me, why was it me, three times over?” I am here to say that I am not ashamed or guilty for being assaulted and raped.  I did not deserve this, and no woman, man or child does.  Period.  It does not matter what you were wearing, who you were with, how much you drank, if you said yes and then no, or even said no and eventually yes to just make it easier on yourself.  It is time to end victim shaming.

I recently cut ties with someone because of a simple FB post, just one sentence innocently typed-  “I support Bill Cosby”. It really triggered an array of complicated feelings inside me- betrayal, anger, hurt, shame, guilt, rage, sorrow.  Nearly 1 in 5 women report having been sexually abused in their lifetime.  And that is only the percentage that have been brave enough to come forward and say something, even if they chose not to report it to the police.   When you make a glib statement like that to your network on social media, consider how many people you are hurting with that statement – “I’m OK with this rapist.”  Because, as a silent victim who up until now, had too much shame and fear to talk about my assaults, that’s all I read.  The follow-up comments calling the victims gold-diggers and attention seekers were just as hurtful. It hurts to lose a friend I’d been close with for many years, but I simply couldn’t have someone in my life that could so easily say the same statements about me. No one prospers from a false rape allegation.  The percentage of false accusations are about the same as any other crime, but because of their personal nature and the difficultly in prosecuting rape cases, it is easy for people to misconstrue the facts and statistics as they see fit.  It’s easier to call a woman a whore than to call a priest, father, coach, boyfriend or actor a rapist.

It’s taken me a long time to say this.  It has taken me a long time to acknowledge these things happened to me, even to those closest to me.  This was my time to come forward.  It’s 20 years later and I will get no justice for what was done to me.  But I am putting this out there for women to know- I am part of the statistic that stands with them in surviving sexual abuse.

There Is No Interview and There Never Was



Recently, Sony Studios was hacked.  Maybe by North Korea, we just don’t know.  This led to terrorists (maybe North Korea?) threatening any moviegoers and theaters that would show this movie on it’s release date on Christmas day.  Many major cinema chains decided to pull the movie and not show it out of fear of attack,  And rightfully so, as a movie massacre isn’t the kind of blood anyone wants on their hands for the sake of “not letting the terrorists win”.  The threat had compared the potential attack to the likes of 9/11, and that is a threat people take seriously, hashtag never4get.

I have a controversial theory though that this movie… never existed.  Sure it was leaked online, but I didn’t see it, so if I didn’t see it, then it’s not real (see: object permanence).  The premise of the movie was so meta, and James Franco is a living, breathing enigma of performance art that I would not be surprised if there was no interview movie.  Call me crazy, but this is the same guy who made the “art” of him having jizzed on a Batman mask, so anything’s possible.

art, I guess.

Diane: Alienating a Whole Namegroup

If your name is Diane, you’re not going to like this.  Or perhaps you will appreciate it and identify with this list of

Facts about Diane

  • Many Dianes enjoy perms
  • Shopping at Kohl’s is a must
  • Dianes?  they get sloppy drunk
  • Diane will tell you what doctor oz thinks you should do about your migraine headaches
  • Dianes know that eggs contain cholesterol so you should limit your intake
  • Dianes love to go to the doctor
  • Diane is on cholesterol medication
  • Diane will fwd you a funny Cathy cartoon
  • Dianes would love to ride their bicycles to work instead of driving but sometimes it’s raining so they don’t
  • Dianes are always willing to update you about how chilly it is outside
  • Diane will do zumba about 5 times and then never talk about it again
  • Dianes are acutely aware of whether or not people are eating something that is “healthy”
    And if you are eating something “healthy” they will praise you
    if you or not you’ll get a “good for you!”
  • Diane will cut a goddamn cupcake in half
  • Diane is gluten-free
    (there is no reason she just read it’s healthy)
  • Diane also doesn’t exactly know what gluten is.
  • Diane votes for whomever her husband votes for.
  • What are Dianes made of?  Carbon fiber exoskeleton and silicon bicarbonate living tissue simulant.
  • Diane will post on facebook a glib photo of jesus with “like for a prayer, share for redemption, ignore for satan”
  • and you bet Diane believes in angels.
  • Dianes are pleased to receive “Life Is Good” items for holidays
  • Dianes definitely legitimately laugh at Big Bang Theory
  • And absolutely consider themselves a “carrie” but can sometimes be a bit of a “samantha.”
  • She’s read 50 shades of Grey and has her movie ticket pre-ordered.
  • Rachel Ray recipes?  you know she loves em.
  • Dianes think out loud.
    about that dream they had.
  • Related: Dianes don’t have interesting dreams.

Thank you to my charming, beautiful and piss-your-pants hilarious friend Brigitte for providing many of these facts along with all the laughs… you are my muse forever.

How Is Babby Formed?


Guess what internet!  There is a human baby in me!

baby n nadine

99% sure this is not due to alien abduction, will keep all posted though.

It’s pretty cool so far.  I’ve not gained weight, which my doctor wants to limit.  I don’t have morning sickness, which really pisses off other women.  All in all, I feel mostly normal except for this crushing fatigue.  If I’m not working or eating, I’m sleeping.

The cravings are pretty real though.  After a series of unfortunate events on Friday that lead me to not get the lunch I wanted, I was a raging horror bitch the rest of the afternoon.  The other night, I basically held my boyfriend hostage as I drove us both to Taco Bell and announced yes, that is what was for dinner.  On another note, do you know how freakin’ popular Taco Bell is on a Friday night over here?  It’s really bizarre.  The drive-thru was like 16 cars deep and the wait after ordering our food was 20 minutes.  It was really peculiar.  I was not the only pregnant lady in there.

I’ve learned that there’s not a lot of boundaries when it comes to asking me questions or giving me advice.  There are very few people in the world I share all the intimate details of my life with, and those are the few that I would realistically answer questions or even consider their advice.  One of the most peculiar things I’ve found is for acquaintances or not really close friends, (or let’s be honest, anyone that isn’t on our emergency contact list) feels free to ask “Was this planned or a surprise?”  What the fuck is it to you?  That’s really rude and intrusive.  Basically you’re asking to what extent was the purpose of our fucking?  Gross.  What’s next, you’re gonna ask what positions we used, or maybe if we put on a little Ginuwine?

I’ve already heard enough weird old wive’s tales, which I’m not taking seriously.  “Don’t bend over too much.”  Why?  What?  Am I going to dent the baby?

So let me just pre-answer some of the questions I’ve been getting the most:

I feel fine.  Just tired.  And hungry.

Yes, we’re going to find out the sex.

Yes, we have names picked out.  No, we’re not telling you.

You will be able to touch my belly for $1.  $5 if it kicks.

Please don’t ask weird questions about my tits.  Or my marital status.  Or religious plans.  If my answers don’t line up with your ideals, you’re not changing my mind, trust me.