When Love Hurts

Have you ever had a bad cup of coffee?

It’s a sad situation, friends.  If you love, cherish and require your coffee the way that I do then you truly understand the hurt and disappointment that a bad cup of coffee to start your day will bring you.  The rest of your day won’t be right.  You’ll have all this unrequited anger that you don’t know what to do with.  Little things will be extra annoying and you will definitely get in a fight.  You’ll probably start the fight just to put your anger somewhere.

The other day, I got a coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts along with their Smokehouse Sausage sandwich bagel thingee.  Let me just say how much I love this sandwich because it’s like having a kielbasa sandwich for breakfast.  The Pollack in me loves that.  Anyways, I got my coffee (light and sweet) and drove home.  My plan was to sit in bed with my laptop, have breakfast, drink coffee and embrace the day.  Maybe I’d get some writing done.  Maybe I’d get out of the house earlier than usual.  This was all ruined when I tasted the coffee and it was not good.  I asked for milk, this was definitely cream or butter.  I asked for sweet, this didn’t have enough sugar.  I might as well just fucking kill myself, life isn’t worth living.  I took two sips of this coffee, called the day a loss and went back to sleep.  No joke.  I just went to sleep for 2 hours.

This morning I woke up at a respectable time for myself.  Ok, it was almost 11 AM but… I wasn’t mad or ashamed of it and it was before the clock switched to PM so that is a good day for me.  Today I’m on a roll, I’m showered, dressed and I even remembered to use moisturizer!  It’s like I’m some sort of wizard!  Things can only get better!  Now, where did this day take a left turn?

It started with my coffee.

I made a big pot of coffee, and got the new Coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer to try out.  Last time I’d gotten the “International Delights” peppermint mocha one to use and I liked that, but the store isn’t selling it because I GUESS YOU CAN ONLY ENJOY PEPPERMINT FLAVORED THINGS IN DECEMBER.  But I got this one that was still there.  Coffeemate is fucking gross.  It always tastes like sour.  There is always an undertone of sour, as though it’s some sort of creamy flavor that was passed through a filter of a dirty gym sock.

I spilled that cup of coffee out and got another.  You’d think I’d just keep it simple, milk and sugar, right?  No.  I got these cool chocolate-dipped coffee flavoring spoons for Christmas and the first one I’d tried was good so today I decided I’d get a little feisty and have a French vanilla flavored spoon coffee.  This one was not so good.  It made my coffee taste like mushrooms.  I like mushrooms, but not that much in my coffee really.

How else has this day sucked?  It’s only 1 PM here, I’ve been awake for two hours and I know way too much disappointment.  Two cups of shitty coffee.  When I was in the shower, the doorbell rang.  If I’d spent a little more time doing the Montgomery flea market mini mall song & dance I’d been doing right before I got in the shower, I’d find out what was at the door.  I put on Conan when I was all done with the shower, clicked on the one in the DVR that said Mindy Kaling was the guest, and THERE IS NO MINDY KALING.  This life I’m living is just not worth it.  My shitty ghetto-ass neighbors two doors down are blasting their music so I get a constant bass-thud in my house.  I’m trying to fight every urge to not go over there and fight with them in a Jamaican accent.  I also have a zit.


I got fed up with the neighbor’s boom-ba-doom-ba super bass and first I just passive-aggressively rang their doorbell in an annoying fashion when I went down to get the mail.  Then I mentally gave them until I was done putting on my makeup to be done with their loud-music time.  (PS I don’t fucking care if it is daytime, be considerate of people and have your noise at appropriate levels.)  Well, I was done with my makeup and they’re still loud ass bumbaclots so I went over and pounded on the door (so they’d hear me).  Then I politely said to the gentleman when he answered the door if he could please turn his music down.  See how I was nice?  I rehearsed SO MANY SNOTTY ASS THINGS TO SAY in my head!  This time I was nice.  Next time I won’t be.

3 Responses to “When Love Hurts”

  1. Jen

    How have I not heard of those Smokehouse Sausage things? Hook a bitch up!

  2. Nadine

    I saw commercials for it! I’ll eat any food from a commercial.

  3. Gia

    That suuuucks. I’m straight up addicted to caffeine, so the thought of not having a cup in the morning makes me shudder and gives me headaches. Ick.


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