Things That Make Me Feel Like I Have My Shit Together

A lot of times, my boyfriend and I will do adult things and then high five each other for being responsible.  Not adult as in pornographic or sexually explicit, but “YO DAWG THIS IS A BALANCED MEAL RIGHT HERE WITH VEGETABLES AND EVERYTHING” instead of eating Hot Pockets or dinosaur chicken nuggets.  Here’s a list of shit that I do that makes me feel like I have my life together.

  • Moisturizing
  • Putting my clothes away
  • Paying bills on time
  • Eating Right
  • Going to the gym more than 2 days a week.
  • Charging my phone adequately.
  • Putting on eye cream before bed so I don’t get wrinkles
  • Returning someone’s phone call
  • Not falling into a buzzfeed k-hole and actually getting work done
  • Remembering to bring the reusable bags to the grocery store, sticking to the budget and buying healthy foods
  • Bringing lunch to work and not eating out every day which leads to…
  • Having more than $20 left at my next payday
  • Buying Christmas presents before December 22nd.
  • Knowing my way around well enough to avoid traffic if one route is congested
  • Having a linen closet with clean towels and sheets
  • Not playing “what’s that smell” in my house.
Things that make me feel like a fantastic failure at this experiment called adulthood…
  • Being Broke Way Too Fucking Much
  • Seriously, where is my money
  • Did someone take it?  Because it’s gone.
  • Eating Sonic for lunch like 3 days a week just so I can escape my office for a little while
  • Forgetting/not caring about my laundry in the washing machine and leaving it to get stinky for days and then having to re-wash it.
  • Forgetting someone’s birthday
  • STILL HAVING GODDAMN ACNE SERIOUSLY
  • Comparing my life to other people’s projected happiness on FB and feeling like I’m not measuring up or meeting my milestones whatsoever
  • Having the “did I remember to bring the FedEx envelopes to the drop-box” panic attack at like 10 PM at home because I forget all the time and don’t want to fuck up important shit at work
  • Still not good at putting on makeup.
  • Still don’t like to wear heels, wearing sneakers 99% of the time.
  • Giving in to the fact that I will indeed listen to shit music and watch Kardashians.
  • Having many size ranges of clothing that do not currently fit.
  • Coinstar
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