A lot of times, my boyfriend and I will do adult things and then high five each other for being responsible. Not adult as in pornographic or sexually explicit, but “YO DAWG THIS IS A BALANCED MEAL RIGHT HERE WITH VEGETABLES AND EVERYTHING” instead of eating Hot Pockets or dinosaur chicken nuggets. Here’s a list of shit that I do that makes me feel like I have my life together.
- Moisturizing
- Putting my clothes away
- Paying bills on time
- Eating Right
- Going to the gym more than 2 days a week.
- Charging my phone adequately.
- Putting on eye cream before bed so I don’t get wrinkles
- Returning someone’s phone call
- Not falling into a buzzfeed k-hole and actually getting work done
- Remembering to bring the reusable bags to the grocery store, sticking to the budget and buying healthy foods
- Bringing lunch to work and not eating out every day which leads to…
- Having more than $20 left at my next payday
- Buying Christmas presents before December 22nd.
- Knowing my way around well enough to avoid traffic if one route is congested
- Having a linen closet with clean towels and sheets
- Not playing “what’s that smell” in my house.
Things that make me feel like a fantastic failure at this experiment called adulthood…
- Being Broke Way Too Fucking Much
- Seriously, where is my money
- Did someone take it? Because it’s gone.
- Eating Sonic for lunch like 3 days a week just so I can escape my office for a little while
- Forgetting/not caring about my laundry in the washing machine and leaving it to get stinky for days and then having to re-wash it.
- Forgetting someone’s birthday
- STILL HAVING GODDAMN ACNE SERIOUSLY
- Comparing my life to other people’s projected happiness on FB and feeling like I’m not measuring up or meeting my milestones whatsoever
- Having the “did I remember to bring the FedEx envelopes to the drop-box” panic attack at like 10 PM at home because I forget all the time and don’t want to fuck up important shit at work
- Still not good at putting on makeup.
- Still don’t like to wear heels, wearing sneakers 99% of the time.
- Giving in to the fact that I will indeed listen to shit music and watch Kardashians.
- Having many size ranges of clothing that do not currently fit.
- Coinstar
