Fact: I am gross.
Example: As I just posted on twitter, I was eating a granola bar at my desk here at work. I finished it and it was delicious. Then I looked down, and right where I had put my granola bar, there was a crumb left on my desk so I was like “YES.” and I picked it up and put it in my mouth (that’s what she said). My smile quickly faded as I realized THAT was NOT food. It was like a piece of pencil lead or who knows what. But I ate it. Hope I don’t die, right?
Another gross thing I do…. I lick my phone. My cell phone. Not always, just if there is food on it. One day, there was a smudge on my screen, and I thought “Hmmm, what could that be? I bet it is chocolate.” So I tasted it and it was in fact chocolate. Score for me! The boyfriend saw me do this though and he was really grossed out and told me I shouldn’t lick mystery smudges on my cell phone. It’s always chocolate. I have a problem.
That’s not the only example of me being gross and putting things in my mouth. I chew on my cuticles a lot and realize too late that HEY maybe I should go wash my hands before I shove them in my mouth? No wonder I’ve been sick all damn winter. I take public transportation to get to work, then when I’m happily (not) sitting in my seat on the train, I start to chew on my cuticles. So work this backwards… mouth-hand-train hand rails – escalator bannister – door – another bannister – apartment building door. I should just kill myself.
Puddy: “I’m a recovering germ-o-phobe. Ten years.”
Elaine: “What is this symbol?”
Puddy: “It’s a germ.”