Schmalentine’s Day

Hello, friends.  I had a nice day yesterday and I hope that you did too.  I ate a piece of candy, had a fancy dinner out with my boyfriend and got a pretty card and we held hands and both acknowledged that yes, we do love each other.  I did my hair, my makeup and wore something besides yoga pants for a change.  Just look at how pretty I can be:

Downside:  I always look slightly cross-eyed in iPhone pictures.

Yesterday was the Hallmark-manufactured day of love and romance.  And I’m ok with that.  Here are the cliche phrases I’m NOT ok with:

1.  “I don’t need a day forcing me to tell my significant other that I love them.  We express our love every day.”

First of all, no you don’t.  You have a normal relationship just like everyone else.  You take your happiness for granted, get comfortable and get bored just like everyone else does.  Quit acting all high and mighty just because you don’t wanna spring for dinner or presents.

2.  “This is a stupid made-up holiday just to sell cards.”

Then don’t buy a card?  Maybe if bought or made a card more often for no reason to show to your lovah “hey asshole, I still dig you” there wouldn’t NEED to be a holiday to tell you to remind someone you love them besides their birthday or your anniversary.  Do something nice.

3.  “Flowers die and chocolate makes you fat.”

Things don’t stay pretty forever.  Just look at yourself.  Enjoy some flowers for a minute and quit being a Valentine’s Grinch about shit.  Chocolate makes you fat if you eat it obsessively and in excess like it’s your last meal.  Have a few pieces and enjoy it.  Chocolate is delightful and maligning it on this holiest of holy chocolate days is something I can’t tolerate in a person.  It’s one thing if you don’t LIKE chocolate (though I still can’t wrap my brain around that), but don’t hate on it for having a holiday INVENTED just to sell more of it.  When else are you gonna eat a Whitman’s sampler?  Never, that’s when.  Now bite all the chocolates all in half and rule out the duds.

Put your bitterness aside and just embrace made-up holidays.  I am bitter and jaded by life and things that have happened to me, but you can’t fucking hate everything or else YOU WILL HAVE A SAD LIFE.  You’re single?  So what.  It’s the day after Valentine’s day and candy is 50% off.  TREAT YO SELF.  You got a man and he didn’t treat you right on the day of obligation?  Say something to him or forget about it.  Don’t stew on it forever… that won’t solve shit in your unhappiness.  Got a man and you’re happy?  Good for you, me too, let’s double date.

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4 responses to “Schmalentine’s Day

  1. I feel Valentine’s Day is a silly holiday but you’re right. I need to get off my soapbox and stop dwelling on the stupid silly things. I’m glad I have my bf and chocolate is wonderful.

  2. UM…DITTO…I think…

    I’m just writing a comment to let you know I’m reading and totally freakin enjoyin’ your writin’ đŸ™‚

    Jo-delicious
    Jodila
    Return of the Jodi
    Jodeci (get it…its my name and last initial…heehee – remmember them? I wish they were cooler cause it sux that its my name sorta and their music sux at least in my world it does…blh blah blah)

  3. Thanks, lady! This was the second lipstick I tried that evening… the first one made me look very trampy… not really the kind of tramp-look I usually enjoy, either. Like a slut clown.

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