New Stuff Coming Soon

Please excuse the lack of posts for weeks on end.  I’m in the middle of revamping this website blog thingee and will have more entertaining content for you soon.

What have I been up to:

If I’m not blogging, I have stuff on tumblr, which I’m really into right now.  You can check out my tumblr at

Here’s some of my recent tumblings….

Maclemorgan Freeman
I’ve really been into crocheting again.  Lately I’ve made some coffee sleeves, dish towels, scarves and I made baby stuff for a friend.  Here’s two of my projects:
reusable coffee sleeve
Ben & Jerry’s coozie so no more cold hands!
I’m still, again, trying to lose weight because being fat blows, food is delicious (see above dedication to ice cream comfort), and I have no will power.  The one thing that has clicked, though, is that I am tired of hearing everyone else’s whiny ass excuses and realized that I’m guilty of putting up a hundred excuses.  Just no more.  Time to go HAM.
I’m on a mission to read more books, so I got a library card at my local library.  I even got some crochet books too which was neat and gave me some ideas and helped show me some stitches better.  Oh man, speaking of crochet again, I found this really great yarn store.  It’s a little bit of a drive from me but has a great selection, has weekly get-togethers and also offers lessons and special events at a fee.  Feel free to check them out:  Moore Yarn
Another thing I’ve been into which I’ll post about more at another time is making homemade cleaning products.  I even tried making homemade orange essential oil, but I don’t think it worked out so great.  Basically I try to save money and make stuff at home that has the least amount of chemicals as possible and also smells good.
So yeah that’s all that is going on right now… so stay tuned for my new format PLUS a one-of-a-kind giveaway for my loyal readers.

I’ll Show Myself Out

Here’s a list of dumb shit I’ve said to or in the presence of my boyfriend that has gotten the following responses:

“I’m breaking up with you now.” said in places like a parking garage, a hospital, the grocery store, date night restaurants, in bed, in the car (which is naturally followed my be saying I will tuck and roll my way out of there toot sweet).
“What is wrong with you?”
“You’re lucky I love you.”

that last one is my favorite though.

Anyways, I like puns and songs and terrible things and here is what makes him go hmmmm (NOTE: that last part should be included on this list now.)

Mike:  What should we have for dinner?  We got that club pack of chicken breasts…. 

Me:  We got chicken.  Yes we do.  We got chicken.  How bout you?

Cat:  (humping my fleece jacket)

Me:  Gonna make love to this shrug…. to this shrug….

Mike:  You sure did make a lot of baby booties for your friend.


Me:  (singing to cat looking at himself in the mirror) You’re so vain…. you probably think this cat is about you.

Scene:  Listening to this song in the car

Mike:  Hey we saw this guy open for Fitz and the Tantrums

Me:  Yeah, I really liked him! ……….he was a real mushroom.

Mike:  Don’t.

Me:  Come on.  Ask.  Don’t you want to know why I said mushroom?

Mike:  No.  Stop trying to make Fetch happen.

(I was trying to say he was a FUN GUY, like a FUNGI.  GET IT?!?)  Ugh.  Even I hate me.



 Scene:  together at home, watching House Hunters.  Gay couple finds a modern loft with a urinal in the bathroom, despite telling the Realtor they would prefer a row house.

Me:  DUDE! You don’t need a row house when you got THE BRO HOUSE.

Basically, I say a lot of corny things, sing a lot of silly songs and make a lot of bad puns.  And this is usually the face Mike makes as he says “You know where the door is, show yourself out.”

and I’m all…..

If you haven’t noticed, I’m super into gifs and tumblr.  So check out my insane shit there if you are bored of waiting for anything on here.  

Things That Make Me Feel Like I Have My Shit Together

A lot of times, my boyfriend and I will do adult things and then high five each other for being responsible.  Not adult as in pornographic or sexually explicit, but “YO DAWG THIS IS A BALANCED MEAL RIGHT HERE WITH VEGETABLES AND EVERYTHING” instead of eating Hot Pockets or dinosaur chicken nuggets.  Here’s a list of shit that I do that makes me feel like I have my life together.

  • Moisturizing
  • Putting my clothes away
  • Paying bills on time
  • Eating Right
  • Going to the gym more than 2 days a week.
  • Charging my phone adequately.
  • Putting on eye cream before bed so I don’t get wrinkles
  • Returning someone’s phone call
  • Not falling into a buzzfeed k-hole and actually getting work done
  • Remembering to bring the reusable bags to the grocery store, sticking to the budget and buying healthy foods
  • Bringing lunch to work and not eating out every day which leads to…
  • Having more than $20 left at my next payday
  • Buying Christmas presents before December 22nd.
  • Knowing my way around well enough to avoid traffic if one route is congested
  • Having a linen closet with clean towels and sheets
  • Not playing “what’s that smell” in my house.
Things that make me feel like a fantastic failure at this experiment called adulthood…
  • Being Broke Way Too Fucking Much
  • Seriously, where is my money
  • Did someone take it?  Because it’s gone.
  • Eating Sonic for lunch like 3 days a week just so I can escape my office for a little while
  • Forgetting/not caring about my laundry in the washing machine and leaving it to get stinky for days and then having to re-wash it.
  • Forgetting someone’s birthday
  • Comparing my life to other people’s projected happiness on FB and feeling like I’m not measuring up or meeting my milestones whatsoever
  • Having the “did I remember to bring the FedEx envelopes to the drop-box” panic attack at like 10 PM at home because I forget all the time and don’t want to fuck up important shit at work
  • Still not good at putting on makeup.
  • Still don’t like to wear heels, wearing sneakers 99% of the time.
  • Giving in to the fact that I will indeed listen to shit music and watch Kardashians.
  • Having many size ranges of clothing that do not currently fit.
  • Coinstar

Not the best segue

So this might seem kinda dark after my last post about my depression and all, but it’s not related.  It would be dark either way, but I try to not think of it like that.

me, ascending to the white light.

Sometimes I wonder how I will die.  Not in the morbid way, but in a spoiler-alert way.  What will be the thing that finally does me in someday?  I’ve concluded 3 scenarios are likely to happen.

1.  Cancer
I live in New Jersey, my hometown is one large superfund site at this point, and I have large boobs.  Cancer is pretty likely.  I’m very moley and sunburn easily.  It’s bound to happen, even if it doesn’t kill me.

2.  Car Accident
These things are pretty common and I wouldn’t be surprised.

3.  Murder
Someone is going to kill me one day for mouthing off or general cuntiness.

I know they’re not that interesting, wacky or out-there, but that’s probably how I’m gonna go. Here are the runners up in the “wacky” but maybe probably category….

1.  Disappearance
I will go off the grid, end up walking in the woods, and then die and no one will find me.

2.  Home Accident
Something fucked up will happen to me at home alone and I will die.  I will fall off a step ladder and break my neck, or slip on the bathmat and crack my head open or choke on some pizza.

3.  Weird Disease
Something from WebMD actually ends up being true and no one believes me, since I always convince myself that this cold is probably Super Cancer Ebola AIDS times triplicate.  And one day it could be.

If we’re being honest, I really wish I could go by alien abduction.

I’m Not Okay (But I’m Trying)

“Therapy really seems to be working for you, you’re coming out of your funk,” a friend said to me.
Don’t misjudge, even when I’m happy I am trying really, really hard.
I started therapy a little while ago because I was having a hard time dealing with life things.  
The way I figured it, I’ve dealt with a lot of things in my lifetime.  A lot of things have happened to me, and I’ve dealt with them.  Dealing is a quantitative thing (for me, at least) and I did not regenerate enough dealing.  My bucket of “deal with it” ran empty and I need help sorting things out and filling up my bucket of coping mechanisms, patience and damns.  So I am seeing a mental health professional to deal with things going on in my life.
Doing something fun this weekend, realizing how much fun I was having in that moment without trying hard was twinged with a slight sadness at realizing in that one moment how long it has been that I’ve been walling myself off from things that I used to like.  “I used to love doing this, why did I stop” I thought, enjoying a beer, music and companionship on a Saturday night.
A few weeks ago while doing crafts, I realized how long it had been since I’ve done crafts.  I used to love doing creative things.  It had been years.  I used to have this whole big storage thing with drawers on it, and boxes, all filled with craft supplies.  It was at least 4 years ago that I’d thrown it all away.  So four years ago I’d given up even trying to do something I liked.  Instead of having the reminder in my home of “hey buddy, look at this thing you like, why not pick up a glue gun and paint brush and see what happens” I instead threw it all away, finding it easier to not have the reminder of not having the fortitude to do something I love.
My initial response to any plans has been to say “no” and then come up with an excuse on why I should not do that one thing.  I’ve been no-ing myself out of social events for a while now, only attending just enough things once in a while to maintain my friendships and not be written off by everyone completely.
This isn’t a funny post.  It’s just my way of saying that I’m not always “on.”  It’s my way of coming out about my depression and anxiety, and just another voice in the choir of “you’re not alone” and that it is okay to get help.  You don’t have to be ashamed to get help.  Feeling badly mentally is just as bad as feeling ill physically.  You go to a doctor and you work on what’s ailing you so that you can live comfortably and happy.