I have a Jerry/Newman situation on my hands.  I have a nemesis.  It’s not who you would automatically think of as someone you are at odds with.  Perhaps it could be someone you rival at work for top billing as the best employee or next in line for a promotion.  Or it could be just some skank that you hate.  My nemesis is the cleaning lady at work.

I get yelled at by the cleaning lady if she catches me here working late.  I got wise to her tricks, and noticed that she comes in around 5:30 so I started making sure I would leave earlier, you know, on time.  Bitch can’t scold me if she can’t find me!  The other day, though, she must have gotten wise to ME getting wise, and she came in at 4:30 ON A WORKING DAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK for the sole purpose of yelling at me in front of my boss and my two co-workers.

Every other place I’ve ever worked, the cleaning people were never seen.  They’d come at night after everyone had left and do their magical job of spiffing up the place and there was no need to discuss it ever.  This is different though.

The three people that are here in the office are aware and amused by the comic nature of this immigrant cleaning lady scolding me.  My boss let me know a few times that the cleaning lady had complained about me.  I made it clear more than a few times that I don’t even care what she thinks.

One day when I arrived at work, I was the first one here, and I noticed that there was a cup of coffee on the window sill.  It wasn’t one of our cups, it wasn’t a cup from any of the stores we go to.  This office is locked at night and the only person who comes in here is our half-assed cleaning lady.  So… what is she doing?  This happened a few times before I realized that from all the offices on this floor that she cleans she, stacks/consolidates the coffee cups and waste coffee that people are throwing out and she’s supposed to dispose of it at the end of the night, but we’re her last stop I guess and she just forgets it there?  Gross.  I don’t like it.

Now… have you started to wonder yet why I’d be on a janitor’s shit list?  Am I a pig-pen leaving garbage strewn all around?  Do I literally shit on the rug and leave a note for her to clean up my shit, since she is an underling and only worthy of servitude?  No.  She hates me because my garbage is often heavy.  I put too much garbage in my garbage can and she does not like that.  The cleaning lady, and I say “cleaning” in a very broad scope, does not like the fact that I give her work to do.

First of all, fuck off.  I have actual work to do, I accumulate a lot of paperwork, and after scanning it, that becomes trash and it is garbage and I am done thinking about it.  I don’t want to waste any thoughts on waste paper.  Secondly, what does she expect me to do with it?  Honestly.  Do I save my garbage that exceeds 10 lbs for another day for her to take away?  Is there a daily/weekly garbage quota that I am not to surpass less I want to encounter some sort of fee?  No.  I give no shits.  Why?  Because it’s fucking garbage, it’s her job, and I don’t have time to worry about what to do WITH TRASH because I have actual work to do.  And, honestly, if it was that hard and that inconvenient for her to take care of, then why is it gone every day?  I never come back to work only to be greeted by my still-full and unbearably heavy waste basket.  Nope.  I might be greeted by someone else’s nasty congealed coffee sludge, but never by my own full trash bin.  So she CAN do it, she just is irritated that she has to.

Secondly, she does a piss poor job of cleaning.  Nothing has been dusted here ever.  It only gets vacuumed if I put a post-it on the door saying “please vacuum today.”  The windows have never been cleaned.  She often forgets the kitchenette waste basket all together.  So if you’re following, all she does is empty the garbage daily.  And she complains about THAT.  Homegirl could be replaced with a bottle of Windex and a Roomba.

If it were in my scope, I’d fire her.  But she’s just with the service that comes by default with our building lease.  I’m not sure what to really do besides hate on her…. I’ve tried like… dumping my garbage into some of my co-worker’s cans, I try having two garbage cans, I’ve even OCD hoarded a huge stack of paper and thrown it out on days when my paperload is lighter.  I just don’t want to put this much thought and effort into something that shouldn’t have ANY thought.  I just want to throw out my trash and not get yelled at.  I’d also wish for her to come in the middle of the night and not make any small talk or chastising of me when I am working late.

One Response to “Nemesis”

  1. Bonnie

    Gosh! That is so awful that you have to deal with that harrassment! God forbid she actually does her job. Terrible! What a skank.


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