I’m the Man and Woman of this House

Detail of my shower curtain

The title of that blog is not meant to say I’m transgendered or to emasculate Mike.  I think I put it best on Saturday when I said “I can’t help it that I’m so awesome.”  It is the duality of man and woman.

The other day when Mike and I went to our storage unit to get out all our stuff so the movers can take that, I showed my he-woman like strength.  Mike picked up one of the boxes and said “oh hell no, this one is really heavy.”  I rolled my eyes, flicked him aside with my giant hands from 10 feet up in the air (because I also grow to super-human heights when I am feeling invincible) and lifted the box with ease and carried it off into the sunset.  I’m not trying to say Mike is weak, he’s not, I’m just very GRRRRR and powerful like a mother lifting a car off a baby kind of strength when I put my mind to it.

Sure I have super strength like a female wrestler (minus the baby-dick though… I’m lookin’ at you, Chyna), but I am still a lady and a domesticated lady at that.  The second bathroom, “my” bathroom, I couldn’t wait to decorate with all the things that Mike’s mom and I had picked out at Bed Bath and Beyond.  I’ll show pictures soon, but the theme is black & white pattern with pink accents.  And sparkles.  The first thing I did yesterday was put one of the finishing touches in my bathroom… This fine item, purchased for $7.00 at Home Goods.

My shamdelier with rhinestones.

I saw that and specifically went “squeee” in the store and hugged it and said “IT SPARKLES.”  And I knew that Rhian  (photographer, twitter) would love it since she also likes Home Goods too.  Speaking of Home Goods, see that link right there, to Rhian’s blog?  That led me to this giveaway contest!  I entered to win $100 gift card to Home Goods from Fresalina.  Check out that blog and enter the contest for your chance to win!

After hanging my sham-delier yesterday, the day’s tasks included making a meal plan and grocery list.  Mike and I collaborated on this and headed out to the store.  We felt very accomplished because we set a budget, stuck to it AND came in under budget after buying “extra” things that were not on the list.  It’s not like it was junk food or anything, just stuff in the store that we didn’t think to put on the list – yogurts, peaches, local honey (good for allergies), and ice cream sandwiches.  A house is not a home without ice cream novelties.

We cooked our first meal together in our new home.  Chili, cornbread and rice.  I now have 3 different chili recipes in my repitoire and they are all good in different ways.  This was the best and tastiest beef chili I’d ever had.  Here is the recipe at Wegmans.com.  As for the cornbread, I use a Betty Crocker mix and add a can of creamed corn in lieu of the milk the recipe calls for.

YO DAWG, I HEARD YOU LIKE CORN, SO I PUT CORN IN YOUR CORNBREAD SO YOU CAN HAVE CORN WHILE YOU EAT CORNBREAD.  ALSO IT HAS A PLAYSTATION.

After dinner, while watching The King’s Speech, I put my man-pants on again and got out my tool box to assemble some furniture.  I built this 3-piece dining set for the kitchen.  It is very nice and I did not mess it up at all.  A few notes though.

1.  You can really fuck up a Pollack’s sense of well-being by adding an extra set of hardware & screws to the box.
2.  Fuck Allen wrenches.  They might not strip the screws, but they do strip any softness and skin on my hands.
3.  Instead of selling “tools for women” in various colors and patterns (pink tools are fucking lame and make me irrationally angry) they should make tools with padded handles so that delicate lady-hands don’t hurt from the torque.

Here is the finished product:  one mission-style kitchen set.

Purchases from Target.com for around $120

 And keeping with my trend, here is my food I ate yesterday

Breakfast:  Dunkin’ Donuts:  Turkey Sausage & Egg White flat bread sandwich, iced caramel mocha latte
Lunch:  Sonic:  New York hot dog, onion rings, cherry limeade
Dinner:  Chili, cornbread, rice
Snack:  Ice Cream Sandwich

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4 responses to “I’m the Man and Woman of this House

  1. No post is complete with a good Xhibit reference. Xhibit is the least badass rapper ever. EVER.

    I also built me some furniture this weekend. We are so badass. Rodolfo refused to help me and I’m absolutely sure he figured I would come to him crying for help and he wanted to see me grovel cause he’s a bad person like that. But fuck that shit. I mean, it’s not like it was from Ikea or some shit.

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