Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

I ran into a bit of trouble at home this morning. Today I got up at the time that other normal and productive people get up. On the agenda was dropping off Mike for his daily commute at the train station and then I was going to attend the world of hurt known as Zumba at my gym. Last time I did that class, I was in pain for 3 days after the fact. My muscles shriveled up and said “nah, bitch.” That’s not how you treat legs and arms at all. Before leaving the house, I went to run the dishwasher since I’m completely out of spoons and knives now. After turning it on, it wasn’t making it’s normal noise. It sounded like pain. It sounded like dirty ass dishes. It sounded like no fucking water was washing no fucking dishes. Fuck man… this was awful. I thought about “what if it’s broken? I’m going to have to WASH all these dishes so I might as well just run away from home right now, set this place on fire and never look back, lest I turn into a pillar of salt.”

After I got home from dropping off Mike, I decided no to the gym and that I should address the problem in the kitchen. First I cleaned out the little food scraps from the bottom, exciting right? Disgusting. I could throw up and die just thinking about it. Then I made sure that the little spinning water thingee’s holes were not clogged. I tried again, and nothing. Fuck man. If I had to put in a maintenance request, I’d definitely have to empty the dishwasher and that would suck all the balls. All of the balls. I looked on the dishwasher for like… troubleshooting? Tips? Magic? It had a little panel of tips… one was to run the hot water first, before using the dishwasher … which I’ve never done. Whatever. So I tried that… and NO HOT WATER OUT OF MY SINK. What?! How is this my life?

Thinking it was taking a long time to heat up, I washed the few dishes in the sink and still got nothing. I knew we had hot water in the house, because Mike took a shower. I checked the bathroom, hot water. I checked the hot water tank, full of water. I checked the circuit breaker – everything fine. I sound pretty much on the ball, right? This is when I decided that my shit was not working due to no hot water in the kitchen sink so I’d better straighten up the kitchen, make some coffee and then head over to the apartment building management’s office and put in a maintenance request.

This is when shit got real.

I turned the handle on the sink faucet to what I assume was cold to get some coffee water…. and hot water came out.

It was this moment in my life that I started re-thinking everything I thought to be true. Up, down, left, right, existence vs. nothingness. Everything was just all shattered.

Here is a picture of my sink faucet giving me hot water.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t the handle be at the side of the temperature you want? Shouldn’t that be opposite? I’ve lived here since JUNE, how did I just forget how to use the sink? I’m retarded. I’m not allowed to think or do tasks before I drink my coffee. Fuck man.

Anyways, since that is resolved…. the other day on Twitter, I thought about doing vlogs. You know, video posts. Well I don’t know what to do…. so here is a video of my cat in a sun beam while I meow at him to the tune of DMX.

Edited to add:  Once I re-learned how a faucet works and hot water came out of the sink, the dishwasher worked just fine and my dishes are clean.  I can’t believe I just FORGOT how to use a sink…. this is probably a sign of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease.  

2 Responses to “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!”

  1. Kizzy

    Omg, you’re hilarious (as always!). That video was like the perfect ending…lol!

    But wait, is the dishwasher working now or not?

  2. Nadine

    Ah, the thrilling conclusion to my story! Yes… it’s working now that I figured out how hot and cold water works… what the hell is wrong with me??


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