I really hate to say it, but I love this show on HBO Girls.  I fully expected to never watch it, let alone enjoy it, based solely upon the fact that it’s a show about entitlement hipster early-20-somethings in NY.  Some might watch this show and say “these people do not exist.”  But they do…. they really do exist out there!  Out in the world, feeling proud for “making their own way” are these horrible little twats whose parents bankroll their whole worlds from phone to food to rent to booze, their internships, fresh out of college with a degree in Creative Movement Processes or something as equally useless, … they are out in the world.

Funny thing is, in real life, not only do these people exist and thrive upon their parents moola, but they will find ways to do it well past their college, past their 20’s and far into their sham of an adulthood.  But I digress…

I love this show because though I didn’t have the same privileged young adult lifestyle of having parents that will just fund my fun life in New York, it did hit upon some fucked up things from my more reckless years that I really thought I’d blocked out.  The messed up sexual relationships that we (or at least… I) endure, always convincing myself and finding new excuses on why he isn’t really a dickhead just because he ended up being nice to me once.  How, even years later, I still find it near impossible to conjure up what made him so bad in the first place, and instead choose to remember the fun, quirky, kinky, carefree moments.

“You couldn’t pay me to be 24 again,” is what Hannah’s gynecologist said to her after hearing Hannah, spread eagle in stirrups, babble on for five full minutes about her fear of AIDS and her other concern that her mortal fear of the disease might be the homophobia of the AIDS world – she secretly wants AIDS maybe?  Babbling idiot 24 year olds.  I am glad that is not me anymore.

Some have said that this show is ridiculous and exaggerated, but come on.  It is a TV show, it has to be exaggerated otherwise would you really watch a show about ACTUAL relationships and what someone’s work life is really like?  Not really.  We all like to say things like “wow, we should TOTALLY have a reality show about us!”  That is such a chick thing to say and let me be the first to assure you that a show about YOU would be 90% boring as shit.  That’s why the Kardashians script their shit up, it’s why Jerseylicious whores have to be prompted what argument they should be getting into and it’s why Ice and CoCo get into very specific adventures.  Everyone’s life is not interesting enough to fill up a show.  Shit needs to be embellished otherwise there’d be a show about someone watching a show on TV.

Maybe you don’t identify with a messed up friends-with-benefits situation like Hannah’s.  Maybe the “fuck I am in a boring relationship and do not know how to get out of it” genre is easier to grasp.  Been there too, done that, married and divorced it.  Or maybe you’re a worldly woman about town who is busy globe-trotting, backpacking and crashing on someone’s couch and just can’t seem to find the time to remember to not get knocked up by random dudes.  It happens!  If that was your predicament, I bet you didn’t get the TV Out of “oh I got my period JUST IN TIME and can merrily skip past the abortion clinic.”  Oh, television, you know the right buttons to push.

When my boyfriend asked me to describe the show, because he was vaguely interested, I said it’s like Hipster Sex and the City.  All in all I think it is well-written, interesting, funny and cringe-worthy in just the right proportions.

My world began and ended with the episode where they went to the party in Bushwick and the best quote of my life was ever uttered, so much that I’ve included it in my e-mail signature now:

“You’re crusty.  You were born on a dirt floor.  It means I don’t think you’re cool and your mother was poor.”  Can we please just have the Jessa show and also can I hang out with a fictional character and say cunty things all day long?  I am so good at saying cunty things that Lena Dunham should contract me as a consultant for scripts on cunty things to say for Jessa.

… other news, here is some thing Jaclyn put on her blog and asked me to fill out.

1. Who wronged you this week? Go ahead, vent. You know you want to.
I wronged myself by dropping my phone in the pool.  I hate myself so much this week.  I’ve been so sad, depressed and angry, it’s like I can’t be happy and I’ve grounded myself.

2. Top 5 bangable celebrities
Currently… Alexander Skarsgard (True Blood comes back this Sunday!), Ryan Gosling, Thor, Captain America and Iron Man.

3. 5 completely unbangable celebrities 
Brian Cranston.  No thanks ever.
Joffrey from Game of Thrones.  He’s also a child, so there’s that.
Flavor Flav
Steven Tyler
Bruce Jenner

4. Tell me the story of the drunkest you’ve ever been. If you don’t remember all the details, feel free to make some shit up.
Ug, I can’t.  I’ll dry-heave all over again.  One of the times when I threw up outside that bar in NY… when we were gonna karaoke and I thought it was my turn (it wasn’t) and I just grabbed the mic, stood on stage and wondered aloud “what the fuck song is this?  I don’t know these words” before being kindly escorted off the stage by a large black man.

The drunkest I’ve ever been was when I ended up puking all over Rob’s parent’s house and then half naked laying half in and half out of his shower and on the bathroom floor.  That is the drunkest and it is surprising I lived through that night and didn’t have alcohol poisoning.

5. What did you want to be when you grew up? How is that working out for you? Please tell me why you failed to reach the goals you set for yourself when you were 8.
I never really had lofty goals.  I wanted to be a tennis player, I never played tennis.  I wanted to work in a nail salon, my dad kindly told me that only burnouts go to Bergen Tech.  I wanted to be a teacher but I realized I didn’t like kids that much.  So that’s why I drink… I’m 30 and never had a real goal and I work in an office.

6. You have to be in a room with Newt Gingrich for an hour. Do you end it all?
I think I’d try to annoy the shit out of him on purpose.  Or maybe I’d actually just shit right next to him and see how he likes dem apples.

7. Song you hate the most and why.
Anything by Janis Joplin because it brings me right back to my childhood and hearing my mom sing it in the kitchen when she cooked.  It’s not a good memory.  Same for that song by 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On.”  She sang that too and I hated it.

8. First and last name of the first boy you ever had a huge crush on, so when that narcissitic asshole Googles himself, he will know all your private shame. 
Brian O’Neil … he was so cute.  I’m his friend on Facebook and he is married and he is still handsome.

9. Do you like me? Circle one —-     yes               no             I like you so much I know your social security number
Shut up, no one likes you.  You’re crusty.

10. Why did the chicken cross the road (I suspect hallucinogens but please tell me your theories)?
This question is dumb.  I crossed the road to get to the chicken at KFC.

11. Hot air balloon or white water raft? (I’m not even going to give you context here. Tell me a good story)
My momma gave me a dollar and dropped me off at the Park n Ride.

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