Funny Shit that Brightened My Day

I think Roseanne Bar said it best that you know we got a depression problem in this country when our anti-depressants need boosters like Abilify.  It’s like… if you’re out drinkin and your shot of Jameson isn’t getting the job done well enough for you that you chase it with another shot of pure grain alcohol.  It’s hard times.  It’s probably not a coincidence that my first go-to metaphor for depression is about drinking.  Whatever, I don’t have a drinking or substance abuse problem, which is awesome I guess.  Every other female in the family (and half the males) has had their issues so I guess I’m lucky… or I can count on the mystery-genes from my dad (he was adopted so my genetic inclinations from that side of the family is a mystery to me).

Anyways, I’ve been really down in the dumps.  Today I was going to take a walk to the store and buy something healthy to fix for lunch and then walk back, a nice walk almost 2 miles round trip.  But then it started to rain, so I just said fuck it, and laid on the couch eating white chocolate Pretzel Flips and watched a lot of TV I’ve already seen.

Not much has really made me happy.  I’m even sneering at magazines, I swear.  Reading Real Simple magazine with it’s fashion advice or healthy snack ideas, I physically sneer at the article, and in my head go “yeah fucking right, you fucking asshole.”  TO.  A.  MAGAZINE. 

Here are things that have brought a smile to my face though.

AIDS Jokes.  Now I know I might have lost some of you there, but it’s worth a look, and not entirely what you think probably. 

Lil’ Joe Torre and Rock Marley

I feel as though I should explain these two… but it’s not that funny when explained.  Like an inside joke.  Just imagine though, I’m laying around all miserable and shit watching an old repeat of Grey’s Anatomy when suddenly Lil’ Joe Torre pops up on my phone from a friend I used to work with.  It made me giggle.

This video:

I’m going to start making videos like this.  I’m also going to be making songs, since I downloaded an autotuner app for my iPhone.

Roseanne on Conan made me laugh a lot too.

Something that made me laugh was the news story about a man in New York who is suing White Castle because the seats are too small.  He’s too fat for the seats at White Castle so he’s suing them.  I don’t know why no one is suing that place for the diarrhea that is guaranteed each time you eat from there.  It’s a mystery.  Their shitty little burgers give you the liquishits, yet they have plenty of business, and even with that said, I will still definitely eat from there on occasion.  One time I was in White Castle, late as hell, drunk.  Odds are if you find yourself in a White Castle, you ARE drunk and making bad decisions.  Anyways, there were two other drunk patrons on line in front of me.  One guy says “What do they sell here, those shitty little burgers?”  and his friend says yes.  Then the first guy says “Damn, those give me the shits.  I’ll have a sack of 10.” 

So that’s all I got right now.  Monday I will have something more exciting to blog about though.  I’m keeping it a secret for right now, but I’m REALLY excited for this 🙂

2 Responses to “Funny Shit that Brightened My Day”

  1. Jaclyn

    You mean teeny-tiny burgers do NOT equal teeny-tiny asses? My diet is FUCKED.

  2. puravida

    I verbally yell at magazines, don’t even keep the thoughts in my head. If I see one more pic of the Kardashians and Kim’s stupid wedding I might have to light them on fire (the magazines that is).


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