I gave up all my Guilty Pleasures.
I stopped classifying them as “guilty pleasures” and hiding things that I felt like I should be ashamed about liking. I’m a grown woman, I can do and like and eat and drink whatever I want. Here is some of the shit that I unabashedly enjoy out in the open now.
1. Trolli Candy
One day my co-worker was heading out to the dollar store and asked to anyone listening “you want anything from the dollar store?” And I said yes, I would like some Trolli gummi worms, please. Because I am an adult and make decisions. The Dollar Tree has them cheaper than at Walgreens (my usual candy stop). I love their sour gummi worms and they got a sick ass tumblr… which leads me to my next item….
I got a really cool tumblr because I love gifs, like this one:
I can respond to any situation with a gif. If you’re feeling down and we’re chat-buddies, I’ll definitely send you a gif to try to make you laugh. Say something sassy and I’ll have a gif for that too. There is not a situation where a gif won’t make everything better.
3. Monster Energy Drinks.
a photo of my actual desk @ work 8/12/14
One day I confessed to my friend and fellow coffee-lover and weight-loss confidante Wendy that I like Monster Energy Drinks to get me going, in addition to coffee, or replacing it some days. Hearing her say “OMG ME TOO” Made me feel so normal and less of a secret junkie. It’s an energy drink, not meth. I used to not tell my boyfriend that I was into this garbage. It’s no worse than his diet soda! Now I buy it at the supermarket with grocery shopping and even use a coupon if I got one. It’s cheaper than buying them one-a-day (or two-a-day) at the convenience store by my office. Next stop: Getting a case at Sam’s Club, where they have my favorite flavors: Pink and Orange and Rehab. Never blue. No one likes the blue one.
4. Keeping Up With The Kardashians
I like the Kardashian shows. I keep up with them now. I DVR it. I used to watch it in secret when my boyfriend wasn’t home. One day he caught me watching it. Then I just let go and let Kardashians, and now I DVR it and I also play the game on my phone. The latest episode makes me want a Kris Jenner/MJ (her mom) spin-off. MJ has conquered cancer, twice! Now she is having trouble with back pain since she is older and it makes it tough to get around. Being a good daughter, Kris thought to go get a medical marijuana card so she can try some alternative medicine on her mother. PLOT TWIST: MJ already had a card for some MJ! They eat gummi-weed-candy and hi-jinks ensue.
I don’t even care how ~basic~ this website is. I’m not ashamed anymore. I like reading numbered lists and looking at gifs and remembering the 90’s and shit. Hey, at least I don’t post my quiz results on Facebook and annoy the shit out of everyone. Sometimes they have some real articles though, when in a poignant moment I think “wow, I am getting some legitimate news from Buzzfeed, who’d have thought?” One of my favorite twitter-friends @BrokeyMcPoverty writes some of THEEEE BEEESSST Buzzfeed pieces, and you can read them all here.
6. “Shitty” Music
Everyone needs to stop being so elitist about music. You like what you like, even if it’s shitty, basic, top 40 shit. I’m tired of getting flack for liking “weird” music or shit that’s too basic or horrible or just irritating. So what, you can judge my Spotify feed all you like, but imma listen to 90’s music 4 LYFE. BACKSTREET’S BACK, ALRIGHT!
7. Mason Jars
They’re fucking everywhere. I can drink out of them, grow a plant in ’em, put salad in ’em, hold some q-tips or use it as a shabby-chic vase. What can’t you do with mason jars? (Lol no not actually canning food obviously). I have definitely yelled at my boyfriend for throwing away a “good” jar, when he reminds me “this is all shitted up and you can buy a whole case of them for cheap.” I can be a jar-hoarder. Check out this board for more jarring ideas.
8. Reading User Comments on Local News Articles
If you ever want to lose your faith in humanity, just go and read the comments section of your local newspaper’s articles. Is it just New Jersey? Is everyone everywhere this horrible, racist, xenophobic and uninformed? We just don’t know. Sometimes I get pissy enough to comment back at a particular horrible comment. But more often, I like to respond with “I don’t get it, what does that mean?” When someone says something racist. Because it makes them look even more awful when they have to type out “You see, the stereotype of black people being on welfare ….” Like it’s not doing them favors.
No minute quite like the last minute! Sometimes, letting your to-do list marinate in front of you breeds really good incentive and motivation while you check out Buzzfeed, Pinterest, g-chat your friends or cover your stapler in glitter glue.
10. Fad Diets
As you can clearly tell from my love of candy, TV and procrastinating, I still have a weight problem. I love reading about weird new diets, judging people on them, trying weird shit myself and considering stuff like paleo, veganism, juice cleanses and glutens.
HONORABLE MENTION: Aliens
I love Ancient Aliens. Kicking back on a Friday Night with Ancient Aliens on H2 and then there’s shows like Uncovering Aliens and all kinds of stuff on the other learning-type channels. I FUCKING LOVE ALIEN SHOWS.
5 Responses to “Do What You Want”
One of the few things I miss about not having cable for 3 years now are the Alien shows and all that type. Good on you.
I’ve been hiding a secret addiction to fad diets. I pretend to judge other people but my inner voice goes “well the cabbage soup diet definitely worked for me” and also aliens is reals they been here before we knowsed it
FUCK YEAH MONSTER DRINKS. I don’t think anyone should care what kind of music other people listen to. I used to care about that in high school where – to quote Arcade Fire – “music divides us into tribes.” It’s a time in your life when it seems like you can only be friends with people who fit into your musical taste group. Ever since then it has gotten less and less important to me to have the same musical tastes as my friends (as I think it should because taste in music is a poor judge of a person’s character.) I can still laugh at someone for rolling down the street blasting what I consider “shitty” music but I wouldn’t ever not be friends with that person because of it. I would probably still be their friend and laugh in their face instead now, then they can tell me to go fuck myself and that is true friendship <3
I’m saying next year, we should all go to a UFO convention together.
I’m in! I’ve always wanted to go.