If your name is Diane, you’re not going to like this.  Or perhaps you will appreciate it and identify with this list of

Facts about Diane

• Many Dianes enjoy perms
• Shopping at Kohl’s is a must
• Dianes?  they get sloppy drunk
• Diane will tell you what doctor oz thinks you should do about your migraine headaches
• Dianes know that eggs contain cholesterol so you should limit your intake
• Dianes love to go to the doctor
• Diane is on cholesterol medication
• Diane will fwd you a funny Cathy cartoon
• Dianes would love to ride their bicycles to work instead of driving but sometimes it’s raining so they don’t
• Dianes are always willing to update you about how chilly it is outside
• Diane will do zumba about 5 times and then never talk about it again
• Dianes are acutely aware of whether or not people are eating something that is “healthy”
  And if you are eating something “healthy” they will praise you
  if you or not you’ll get a “good for you!”
• Diane will cut a goddamn cupcake in half
• DIANE WILL CUT A CUPCAKE INTO 32NDS
• Diane is gluten-free
  because:
  (there is no reason she just read it’s healthy)
• Diane also doesn’t exactly know what gluten is.
• Diane votes for whomever her husband votes for.
• What are Dianes made of?  Carbon fiber exoskeleton and silicon bicarbonate living tissue simulant.
• Diane will post on facebook a glib photo of jesus with “like for a prayer, share for redemption, ignore for satan”
• and you bet Diane believes in angels.
• Dianes are pleased to receive “Life Is Good” items for holidays
• Dianes definitely legitimately laugh at Big Bang Theory
• And absolutely consider themselves a “carrie” but can sometimes be a bit of a “samantha.”
• She’s read 50 shades of Grey and has her movie ticket pre-ordered.
• Rachel Ray recipes?  you know she loves em.
• Dianes think out loud.
  about that dream they had.
• Related: Dianes don’t have interesting dreams.

Thank you to my charming, beautiful and piss-your-pants hilarious friend Brigitte for providing many of these facts along with all the laughs… you are my muse forever.