America’s Next Top Baking Model in Rehab that Dances for a Shot at Love

Reality shows.  They’re everywhere, on every network, and seem to make up the majority of programming these days.  They’ve permeated and replaced regular scripted shows because they are cheaper to make.  You don’t have to pay writers or actors, because the people on these shows are just schmucks looking for a shot at fame.  I don’t even care, I’m not knocking it.  If you like shit TV that’s up to you.  I like my share of shitty TV.

There’s a lot of cooking competition shows.  I’m only watching The Next Great Baker because Mike knows someone who’s cousin is on the show.  I’m interested if I can root for a person.  So I just started watching it and thought “wait, I better find out which person I’m supposed to root for.”  I can pre-hate someone just in the first 5 minutes of a show from their intro-interview.  Thankfully, I immediately liked the person I’m supposed to root for, if only for proximity being from the same state I’m from.  That’s the other thing:  If I’m watching a reality show and someone is from New Jersey, I automatically want them to win.  Best quote by this girl so far about some other guy’s creation: “it kinda looks like a taco with skin mousse in it, so it doesn’t look very appealing.”  What the shit is this guy making?

I heard a rumor that Stevie Wonder wants to be on Dancing With The Stars.  I hate how much I will watch that and giggle.  It’s not nice, but I want to see what a blind person looks like dancing.  Then I’ll weep because he probably dances better than me who can see just fine with both eyes.

Personally, I don’t think I would be on a reality show.  I could definitely benefit from being on The Biggest Loser but I don’t want to be one of those crying and puking fatties that falls off the treadmill.  I wouldn’t be on a cooking competition because even though everyone loves my cooking, I’m a recipe-follower.  I can improvise a little bit off of a recipe.  I have good skills at cooking and have good techniques, but I don’t just invent things.  I wouldn’t be on a show to find love, get sober or hoarding because those just aren’t my problems.

The History Channel has even gotten in on reality programming with hits like Pawn Stars, Ice Road Truckers and Swamp People.  I hate all of these shows.  All of them.  The one show on History Channel that I love with all my heart, can watch for 12 hours straight, and that my boyfriend makes fun of me for the most is Ancient Aliens.  It makes so much sense!  Everything that we cannot explain from the past?  ALIENS DID IT, Y’ALL.  Giorgio A. Tsoukalos is an alien smart-guy they have on this show commenting about alien history and shit, and let me tell you… just his hair is worth watching this show for.  He has very big hair, he is orange-ish.  Either he’s an alien, or he just didn’t make it for Jersey Shore.

I was going to make a funny video spoofing how I’m a hoarder, taking video of my “messy” house.  I’d not cleaned up for a few days and had stuff around, but I couldn’t even stand to keep it messy for any longer until someone helped me make the video because I hate a dirty house.  But let me tell you, I love the show Hoarders.  LOVE.  The worst part is when there’s like a mummified cat or just animals involved in any way, but all the rest of it?  Love.  Their meltdowns, the piles of dirty ADULT diapers, and one episode there was a hole in the wall because a goat chewed through it from outside.  Well, I gotta go… I need to go attend to my collection of empty boxes because I MIGHT USE THEM SOMEDAY, YOU DON’T KNOW.  THE SECOND I THROW THEM OUT I WILL NEED ALL THOSE BOXES.

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