30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 27

Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

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 That’s me last summer.  At a baseball game, baking for a BBQ and petting animals at the farm.  I was blonde then, and I’m brunette right now.  I’m going back to blonde soon.  I was out of a job then, and I’m out of a job again.  Have I changed?  Am I wiser or healthier or smarter or happier?  It’s hard to say.  I feel kind of low right now, to be honest.  I feel like nothing has really changed, that I’m some sort of epic failure who can’t hold down a steady job if her life depended upon it.  I finally found what I loved doing, and lost that job.  I’m trying like hell to get back at it, to get back there, but it’s just so hard.  How have I changed?  I feel like I’ve lost a lot of hope.  

This isn’t an uplifting blog post, is it.  Shit is getting real over here.  It’s come to my attention that for so long, I just did what I had to in order to survive after being abandoned, so to speak, by my mother when my father died.  She gave up being a mom and I had to do what I had to do just to keep a roof over my head.  Now I look at my life and I feel like I’ve accomplished literally nothing.  I’m alive.  I have nothing to be proud of, I’ve worked hard for no goals and I’m afraid to even try anything because I’m such a failure in my own eyes.  Even just the one thing I could do for myself, lose weight, I’m not doing.  I’m the same weight I was a year ago.  NOTHING about me has changed.  I suck a lot.

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4 responses to “30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 27

  1. Failure? Are you flippin serious? You right a blog that makes people laugh, that’s not an easy thing to do. You are beautiful, apparently can bake, and seem to enjoy small farm animals. Now that’s someone I can sit on the couch with and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey.

    Plus, your name is Nadine, which is already profoundly blessed with infinite amount of coolness.Don’t you remember the Nadine club? I need you so we can talk about the other Nadines (what a bunch of bitches)

    Write about your life. Write about it and find the funny. You are good at that. And that is something you should be proud of. (that and the gross glob of cough drops in your purse)

  2. You ever think that the thing that is different is that you realize all this shit now? Like it used to be that you were fighting so hard just to survive but you never really got more than that. And now you want more and you can finally understand that you deserve more than just survival. And it isn’t easy, but once you finally get settled and find the right path, you aren’t just going to have to struggle for survival anymore. You can want more and have more and be more. And I think that’s the biggest difference. Last year you let losing your job swallow you up. But it was because you felt like you were depending on Mike for survival. I think you felt ashamed because you felt like you couldn’t do it on your own, which you always have for so long. And this year you are upset about losing your job and it’s been really hard… because you found something you loved and you were sad to let it go. And that’s quite a difference, really. You finally know what you want. And you also forgot ONE BIG DIFFERENCE. You are a free lady, my friend. FREE. FROM. BRIAN.

  3. I understand where you’re coming from. I was on my own at 16, and have struggled with depression on and off for years. It’s easy to feel like you failed. It’s tempting sometimes to give up on trying, reaching, striving for more, because in our low moments, just holding on feels damn near impossible. Just remember – you have survived. You have taken all the crazy, messed up shit that life has thrown at you, and you’re still here. You have people who love you in your life, and have finally FOUND what it is you love. That’s quite an achievement in itself! You’ll get there. And, I would like to think that I will too. Just know, I’m there with you. And your writing has made me laugh, and also made me feel a little less alone. You Rock, girl!

  4. You are a fantastic person and never ever think of yourself as a failure. The Nadine I know would never let some things like this get the best of her. Sometimes our life turns into a low only to put things into perspective. Its only going to get better from here. Put your game face on and remember that you have great people in your life to brighten up your spirits. You’re not alone. <3

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