Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
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That’s me last summer. At a baseball game, baking for a BBQ and petting animals at the farm. I was blonde then, and I’m brunette right now. I’m going back to blonde soon. I was out of a job then, and I’m out of a job again. Have I changed? Am I wiser or healthier or smarter or happier? It’s hard to say. I feel kind of low right now, to be honest. I feel like nothing has really changed, that I’m some sort of epic failure who can’t hold down a steady job if her life depended upon it. I finally found what I loved doing, and lost that job. I’m trying like hell to get back at it, to get back there, but it’s just so hard. How have I changed? I feel like I’ve lost a lot of hope.
This isn’t an uplifting blog post, is it. Shit is getting real over here. It’s come to my attention that for so long, I just did what I had to in order to survive after being abandoned, so to speak, by my mother when my father died. She gave up being a mom and I had to do what I had to do just to keep a roof over my head. Now I look at my life and I feel like I’ve accomplished literally nothing. I’m alive. I have nothing to be proud of, I’ve worked hard for no goals and I’m afraid to even try anything because I’m such a failure in my own eyes. Even just the one thing I could do for myself, lose weight, I’m not doing. I’m the same weight I was a year ago. NOTHING about me has changed. I suck a lot.